Are you positive?!
Because I’m not.
Positivity is something which doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to other people. I think years of depression has a given me a negative mindset and as a result, I feel that I have to work harder to be positive than a lot of people, however I feel that recently I have gotten the hang of it. I have decided that this year is the year I get my life sorted. I am more motivated than I have ever been and I am actually being proactive this time.
I was having a conversation with a friend recently about the idea of New Years Resolutions.
He told me he didn’t like the idea of them because then it is a reason to get complacent towards the end of the year because “I can start again next year.” and I get that. I actually do agree that if you’re deciding to do something just because it’s a new year and you’re going to eventually slack off and not bother by the end of it, then there’s not much point. However, for me the idea of drawing a line under the previous year is an exciting one. It means everything that happened is in the past. I can deadbolt the door and leave the negative people and events firmly where they belong.
This year I have several targets all of which are based around being more motivated and consistent with creative projects. It means taking a bit of a gamble but if it pays off then it will be worth it.
The biggest and most difficult challenge for the next year however is one of the things which I know a lot of people will understand because they struggle with it to:
Stop caring what people think of me!
Now I don’t say that because I want to go out and be reckless, start fights and strip off in the street, I say that because I have spent most of my life not putting my creative projects online, not applying for jobs and basically chickening out of things that I want to do because I’m worried that people will judge me. This is, to put it bluntly, really really stupid. In reality we aren’t here for that long before we die and we’re all just sitting here worried about doing the things we love because someone else might not get it? Why sacrifice our own happiness because someone might say something mean or laugh at us? Yes, it might hurt me for a bit but does that take away from the enjoyment I got out of doing whatever it was? Probably not.
This is the year of positivity and doing what I want because I want to do it.